My Grandma is Awesome

This woman is 94 years old.

And just to be clear, she is airborne ...

... and she is happy.

Katakana Movie Titles

Katakana, one of the two Japanese syllabaries (a set of characters, similar to an alphabet), is specifically used for the phonetic spelling of foreign words, often English ones. If you can read katakana characters, you'll see "English" everywhere in Japan. Sometimes it sounds like English that English speakers actually use, sometimes not. A common example is クリーニング, or "kuriiningu" (cleaning) on a sign for a dry-cleaning business.

(If you see a series of question marks in the paragraph above, it's because your computer can't display Japanese characters.)

In the video store the other day, I noted that the majority of English movie titles had been written using "English" words in katakana, though their wording ranged from identical to wildly different from the original. A moderate example:

is called "Snake Flight".

It would be too overwhelming a task to search the entire video store for the best examples of these. Luckily I was able to find several winners by simply limiting myself to the sports movies section.

"Pretty League"

"Hard Play"

"Best Kid"

"African Dunk"

"Pro Golfer Gil"

"Sayonara Game"

"Boxing Baby"

"My Sweet Guys"

Super Mario as Quantum Theoretician and 9/11 Conspirator

Here's a video of someone's 134 superimposed playthroughs of a particularly difficult level of Mario World:

You can read (though I didn't) a related 2,400-word essay called "Super Mario World vs. the Many-Worlds Interpretation of Quantum Physics".

And here's a video I acquired from a 25-year-old Japanese girl's cell phone (click on the image to watch 3 seconds of animation):


After I expressed and explained to her my shock at the video's contents, I learned that she was only vaguely familiar with the events of 9/11, not at all familiar with the Arabic expression "Allāhu Akbar", and apparently had made no associations with the video other than that it was an amusing depiction of Mario blowing up what appeared (indicated by the flag) to be an American building. It's been my impression that most Japanese adults aren't as poorly informed about world events.

Some casual internet searching revealed that the video was at one point available at somethingawful.com, but I didn't find any other discussion about it.

Vintage Sheet Music

Among various other forgotten items in storage at my grandmother's house, there was recently discovered a treasure trove of WWI era sheet music. Lest I misrepresent my grandmother's taste in music, I should mention right off that only a few of the pieces are as shocking as the image above, and it appears by the pencil writing on them that they were mostly acquired from a neighbor down the street. In any case, I've posted three of the more eye-popping titles below, along with their transcribed lyrics. They are, respectively, about:

• A mother consoling her child about the color of his skin
• A man's foolish, plucky, perserverence in his attempts to win at gambling
• A woman whose husband has gone to war
  

I also coaxed a musically inclined friend and his musically inclined mother into performing "Mammy's Little Coal Black Rose" on video - though they have yet to grant me permission to post it. Stay tuned for further developments.

Click on the thumbnail of "Seven or Eleven" for a larger image to verify that the man portraying Rufus Johnson is not, as he might have you believe, an African American.

---

Mammy's Little Coal Black Rose
Lyrics by Raymond Egan
Music by Richard A. Whiting
Copyright MCMXVI

I heard a pickaninny crying
Down in Tennessee one night,
His little heart was nearly breaking
Just because he wasn't white;
Then his dear old Mammy kiss'd him,
And she said "Chile don' you sigh
Weep no more my baby,"
Then she sang a Dixie Lullaby:

(Chorus:)
You better dry your eyes, my little Coal Black Rose,
You better go to sleep and let those eyelids close,
'Cause you're dark, don't start a pinin',
You're a cloud with a silver lining;
Tho' ev'ry old crow thinks his babe am white as snow,
Your dear old Mammy knows you're mighty like a rose;
And when the angels gave those kinky curls to you,
They put a sunbeam in your disposition too, that's true,
The reason you're so black I 'spose
They forgot to give your Mammy a talcum powder chamois,
So don't you cry, don't you sigh,
'Cause you're Mammy's little Coal Black Rose.

And then I saw that dear old Mammy
Kiss those baby tears away
While in her arms the baby nestled
Happy as a child at play;
Then she whisper'd "Mammy loves you,
You're as sweet as 'possum pie',
Go to sleep, my honey,
While your Mammy sings a Lullaby:"

(Chorus)

---

Seven or Eleven (My Dixie Pair O' Dice)
Words by Lew Brown
Music by Walter Donaldson
Copyright MCMXXIII

At the railroad station
Almost ev'ry day
Hangin' round the porters there
Tryin' hard to win his fare
You'll see Rufus Johnson
Gamblin' his dough away

(Chorus:)
'Ginny shore
It means I lose the blues
Means a hat and shoes,
Means an overcoat and cane
Means I'll have my fare, a little bit to spare,
Means I'm on the midnight train
Come on you Seven or Eleven
Oh! boy, won't that be nice
I'll be on my merry way back to Heaven,
With my Dixie Pair O' Dice.

Ev'ry time they break him
Rufus goes away
Gets a brand new bank roll, then
Comes to roll those bones again
Never seems to worry
While he's got dough to play

(Chorus)

---

Nigger War Bride Blues
Music by "Mitch" Le Blanc
Words by "Jimmie" Marten
Copyright MCMXVII

Listen folks I'm goin' to tell you
Oh baby's gone an I'm feelin' awfull terribly blue
Done j'ined the war an' lef me all alone that's true
Oh I'm blue
He lef' a note
It was all edged in black
Jes' tellin' me that he never was a comin' back
Jes' staten' he was never never comin' back
Now that's fact.

(Chorus:)
Easy greasy breezy John
Easy greasy breezy John
Makes me blue an' sick an' out an' down
Easy easy easy greasy breezy John
Down the road just as far as I could see
Thought I saw my dear old used to be
Thought I heard my Johnie callin' me

Engine whistled like it ne-ev-er-er whistled before
Saw him walkin' inside,
Turn around and shut the door
I felt so bad I nearly fell down on the floor.
An' what's more
Two sixteen down carried poor John away
It's a long long way
So I heard mos' all the white folks say
Yes two sixteen done took my lovin' Johnie away
T' other day.

(Chorus)

Japanese Cell Phones

In Japan, you run the risk of being ostracized by society at large if your cell phone isn't adorned with at least a few kilograms of beads, charms and trinkets. Here's a photo I took of a girl on the subway using one of the gaudier such phones, complete with a heart-shaped mirror and some frilly lingerie-like lace along the edges.Here are some similarly bejeweled phones I saw for sale. Notice that the trinket hanging from one of the phones is itself a miniature phone, also encrusted with beads.

Cut Man

I suppose there's a reasonable chance this advertisement for a Japanese neighborhood barbershop was actually inspired by the Megaman (Nintendo, 1987) level boss of the same name.

Hat Color Puzzles

Four Fishermen in the Sand

I buried four fishermen up to their necks in the sand on the beach at low tide for keeping their fishing spot a secret from me. I positioned them on either side of a wall, and placed either white or black hats on their heads, as shown in the accompanying photograph I took of them. Knowing only that there are two white hats and two black hats, they must correctly deduce the color of their own hat as quickly as possible. Which one will first be able to do this with 100% confidence? Assume they are sufficiently motivated to deduce, but not make random guesses.

100 Wizards and a Witch

An evil witch / kindergarten teacher / Republican has sentenced 100 wizards / kindergarten students / homosexual atheists to the following fate: After a short amount of time in which they may develop a guessing strategy, the wizards will line up in random order, all facing the same direction, and have white or black hats placed on their heads. Starting at the back of the line (the wizard who can see the other 99 and their hats), the witch will give each wizard one chance to correctly guess their own hat color. This single guess ("white!" or "black!") is also the only way that they are able to communicate with one another (no whispering or coded vocal inflections, etc.). Wizards are not even aware of whether previous guesses were correct or not. Furthermore, the witch can listen as the wizards discuss their strategy before she decides how she will distribute an unknown combination of white and black hats. What strategy should the wizards employ?

Four Fisherman in the Sand
SOLUTION

Fishermen A and B see nothing but wall and are totally out of the loop; they wait patiently, futilely, for any information that might help them. Fisherman C sees a white hat, and cannot immediately deduce anything; he waits for further information. Fisherman D sees a white and black hat, and also cannot make any solid conclusions.

But consider, from Fisherman C's perspective: if Fisherman D saw two white hats (or two black hats), he would be able to deduce his own hat color. Fisherman D's uncertainty and silence is very telling to Fisherman C. After Fisherman C is sure that Fisherman D has nothing to say, he can safely deduce that his own hat is black, says so, and is free.

This information does not help the other fishermen, and they remain silent until their lungs fill with sea water.

100 Wizards and a Witch
SOLUTION

The most obvious strategy is that Wizards #100, #98, #96, etc. name the hat color in front of them, allowing Wizards #99, #97, etc. to guess with 100% accuracy, thereby saving at least half the wizards for sure and, depending on the breaks, about 75 of them on average.

(And no matter what strategy these wizards come up with, the one at the back of the line is doomed to a 50% chance of survival, since no one but the witch ever knows what color his hat is.)

However, there is a surefire strategy that saves the lives of at least 99 wizards. The strategy uses a set of rules (detailed below), whereby each wizard can compare whether the number of black hats he sees agrees with the number of black hats the previous wizard saw. This is all the information needed in order to deduce whether ones own hat is black. Here's the strategy:

• Guessing Scheme A: even # of black hats → guess "black!"; odd number of black hats → guess "white!"
• Guessing Scheme B: even # of black hats → guess "white!"; odd number of black hats → guess "black!"
• The first wizard uses Guessing Scheme A.
• Wizards switch guessing schemes every time they hear "black!"

For simplicity, let's reduce it to a 10-wizard case, pictured here:
Wizard #10 is at the rear, and is the first to guess his hat color. As mentioned before, his own hat color is irrelevant to the overall strategy. He sees 5 black hats in front of him and (incorrectly, poor bastard) says "white!" according to Scheme A.

Wizard #9 now knows two things: 1) He sees an odd number of black hats and 2) Wizard #10 also saw an odd number of black hats. Wizard #9 can safely deduce his own hat is white, as prescribed by Scheme A.

Wizard #8 knows his two buddies saw an odd number of black hats, but he sees an even number of them, so he knows his own must be black, and says so (according, again, to Scheme A).

After hearing Wizard #8 say "black!", Wizard #7 switches to Scheme B, and takes the even number of black hats in front of him to mean his own is white.

And so on.